Saturday, October 29, 2011

Against the grain

"You can't have it all,"

"No one is perfect,"

"Just try your best,"

As a woman in her mid-thirties, I have been consistently told to relax, not be so driven. In high school, instead of pressing me to maintain As, my parents questioned whether or not to send me to therapy because I studied late into the night and set goals for my GPA each semester. College was the same - why aren't you having fun? Spending long nights out drinking with friends?* Instead, I loved getting enough sleep so that I could start my day fresh and early. "Clearly, there is something wrong with her," my parents mused.

I, obviously, moved far away. As far as I could while remaining in the Continental US, which would be California. Now, don't get me wrong. I adore my parents. They love me unconditionally and want me to be happy, more than anything else. More than success, money, degrees. And I am grateful for that, kind of. You see, I was just kind of born with this itch to outdo myself - constantly.

I started my career and realized - wow - this is where I can fit in, right? People with CAREERS are hard-working, self defecating perfectionists! To my relief, I found the 'others'. We ran marathons. We answered our emails before 6 am. We bought black suits and wore black pumps at just the right height (not too conservative, but not too slutty). We drank 1.5 glasses of Merlot at happy hour, just enough to be professionally tipsy while remaining in the appropriate caloric intake.

I met a wonderful man and married him. As my friends also got married and started having kids (the same professionals I felt at 'home' with), a new era with an emerging new identity has started to form. Now, I do not have kids and love my work. But, I think I am getting a little soft (literally and figuratively). This blog is my public attempt to "have it all". Yes, I want a family. But, I also want to be successful in my career, run 10 miles a day, always have my nails painted light pink or dark red, and never, ever conform to (gulp) flats. For all you ladies out there who truly believe you can do it all, let's rejoice together over 6 ounces of Merlot as we completely kid ourselves. Hopefully, my little tid bits will help you laugh along the way.

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